Once Upon A December
by sleepy-emo
Summary: After an accident at the rink Yuri is left with no memory of the last five years of his life. He doesn't remember his senior skating career or his friends but, worst of all, he doesn't remember Otabek. Otabek wants Yuri to fall in love with him in his own time but that plan backfires when Yuri meets JJ. Otabek has to accept that he messed up and may have lost Yuri completely.
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, brand new story - this one a totally self indulgent facing of one of my own fears, I'll explain more later but for now I hope you enjoy the prologue**

The rink is still one of Yuri's favourite places to be. It has been since he was a child and even now it's still one of his favourite places in the world. Where it was once somewhere he would come alone to reflect on things, now he has company and he has friends that he actually enjoys spending time with (not that he'd ever tell someone like Viktor that, don't want to inflate the ego). It took a long time coming for him to accept these new friends but now he loves the fact that the rink is filled with people who care about him.

He also enjoys showing off for his friends and they are more than happy to indulge him (especially Yuuri and Otabek) and today is no different. He's been training at the rink all morning and he loves hearing Yuuri clapping and cheering as he finishes off his latest routine. The whoops and cheers are very encouraging and he practically beams as he skates over to where Yuuri is waiting at the edge of the ice.

"Well done Yura," Yuuri says. "That was amazing."

"Thanks," Yuri grins as he grabs his water bottle and takes a long drink. The praise feels good and he can't help letting his chest swell with pride. "Pissed I couldn't have filmed it though. I wanna be able to see what my form looks like from an outside perspective."

"Well as an outside perspective your form looked fine to me," Yuuri smiles.

"Thanks, I just wanted to be able to see for myself, you know?" Yuri grumbles.

"I know," Yuuri says placing a hand on top of one of Yuri's. "Is your phone still broken?"

"Yeah, damn thing's fucked," Yuri says. "I'm using an old one for now but I've literally lost everything that was on my other one. All my music, all my pictures."

"Had you backed any of it up?" Yuuri asks.

"Of course not, that would have been sensible," Yuri sighs. "I mean all the music is still on my laptop but I've lost all the pictures I had on there. I guess I always thought 'oh they'll be fine, they're on Instagram'."

"Can you not get them back from there?" Yuuri asks.

"Nah some fucker hacked my account and started posting weird shit so I had to get it taken down," Yuri replies. "Haven't had a chance to start up a new one yet."

"I'm sorry Yura," Yuuri says giving his hand a comforting squeeze. "If you want I can film you on my phone."

"Can you?" Yuri asks, face lighting up.

"I thought that might cheer you up," Yuuri chuckles. "I can think of something else that will cheer you up too."

"What?"

Yuuri just grins but, before Yuri can start whining and demanding that he tell him, he feels a pair of warm arms encircle his waist. He jumps with a yelp before turning to see Otabek standing behind him, smiling at him.

"Hey Yura."

"Beka!" Yuri cries happily, flinging his arms around Otabek's neck. "When did you get here, I thought you were still sleeping off the jet-lag."

"I was but then I realised I wanted to see you more than I wanted to sleep," Otabek says. "I ran in to Viktor on he way and he gave me a lift."

"Hi Yurio," Viktor says from behind him and Yuri turns to see Viktor, already with his arms around Yuuri's waist, hugging him tightly.

"Hey," Yuri says with a small smile.

"So now that I'm here do _I_ get to see your routine?" Otabek asks, pulling Yuri's attention back to him.

"Hell yeah!" Yuri cries. "Katsudon's going to film me so I can watch it afterwards."

"I'm sure you'll look amazing," Otabek smiles.

"I've got a quad flip in this one and I want my landing to be perfect as I'm still not totally there yet," Yuri says, eyes brimming with excitement as he talks.

"Then let's see what you've got," Otabek says, a sexy smirk twisting onto his lips.

"Gladly," Yuri grins.

"And," Otabek says leaning in so that his lips are at Yuri's ear, "if you land that flip I'll do that thing you like with my tongue later." As if to emphasis this he flicks his tongue lightly over Yuri's tregus, making him shiver.

"Beka not in front of the olds," Yuri hisses, certain that his face is scarlet.

Otabek presses a soft kiss to his cheek, chuckling. "Neither of them are paying any attention to us."

Yuri casts a glance at them to see that he's right. Viktor and Yuuri are far too busy making eyes at each other to be paying attention to them. He clears his throat pointedly. "Hey, you want to watch me do this flip or not?" he asks.

"Yes," Yuuri says hurriedly, blushing as he moves Viktor's hands to where they can both be seen. "I'll stick the music on."

Yuri untangles himself from Otabek's embrace and takes his place in the centre of the ice. He tosses a wink Otabek's way who smirks in response and Yuri feels a tiny thrill jolt through him. He loves it when Otabek is watching him regardless of what he's doing but it always feel particularly good when he's skating.

He begins his routine as the music starts up and he feels like he's on top of the world. Knowing that Otabek is watching him as he glides gracefully across the ice fills him with confidence and makes him feel like the champion he is. Even in the harder parts of his routine, the parts he put in to really challenge himself, feel like they're coming together more. That's probably all the practice.

As he starts his build up to the quad flip somewhere in the back of his mind he realises that the ice feels funny underfoot. Slippery almost, unstable. He tries not to think about it as he launches himself into his flip but as he lands he realises that he should have paid attention. His foot slips and he's suddenly propelled forward towards the edge of the rink.

Before he can stop himself his head cracks against the side. He falls to the ice, hitting his head again, the world lurching horribly. Through the fog starting to cloud his head he just about hears people calling his name. He opens his mouth to answer but all he can think about is the warm, wet feeling spreading down his face.

Before his vision fails him completely Otabek suddenly appears in his line of vision, looking terrified. Yuri wants to tell him that he's fine but everything is dark and thick as if he's lying in a puddle of syrup. Darkness envelops him and all he can hear is Otabek's voice echoing all around him.

"Yura... Yura... Yura!"


	2. Blank Page

**Morning guys :) So when I said this was a shameless self indulgent facing of one of my own fears? I am terrified of brain stuff - dementia, memory loss, strokes you name it, if it's to do with losing who you are then it fucks me up if I think about it too much. Anyway I've decided to face it dead on and write about it and hope you enjoy this :)**

Yuri's eyes flutter open to blinding white light. It's so bright it hurts and he has to blink a few times to even begin to get used to it. He has no idea where he is, why it's so bright or why his head aches something fierce. The last thing he remembers... actually he doesn't know what the last thing he remembers is, everything is too hazy. He blinks a few more times trying to work out where he is and eventually realises that he's in some kind of hospital room.

There is a man sitting in the corner, asleep in a chair, that he half recognises. It looks like Viktor – the silver hair should be a giveaway but the hair is too short and the lines around his eyes make him look too old to be Viktor anyway. Who else could it be though? Viktor's dad? Why would Viktor's dad be here though? They've never properly met. _This doesn't make any sense... what's going on?_

Yuri clears his throat as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. "Viktor?" He must have been in hospital a long time because his voice sounds odd... lower, deeper even. _What on earth is going on?_

The man looks up suddenly, eyes wide with concern. He stares at Yuri for a second before he runs to the door. "He's awake!" he shouts to whoever is outside before he runs back to Yuri's side and throws his arms around his neck. "Yurio thank god!" Viktor practically sobs. "We've been so worried, the doctor said you might not wake up."

 _Yurio?_

 _What's he doing? Why is he hugging me?_

The closeness is making it difficult to breath and he's about to try and push Viktor away when two people he doesn't recognise enter the room. Both of them have dark hair, one wearing his in an undercut, and Yuri wonders if they're doctors. They don't look that much like doctors but why else would they be here?

The one with the undercut rushes to Yuri's side as soon as he sees that Yuri's eyes are open. He takes Yuri's hand and presses a kiss to the back of it before he presses it against his forehead. "My god Yura, you're okay, I'm so glad."

Now Yuri knows he's not comfortable with this. He has no idea who this man is and he looks much too old to be kissing his hand like that. He pulls his hand out of the man's grasp and shrinks against Viktor for support.

"Who are you?" he asks.

The man's eyes widen, filling with hurt as he stares at Yuri. An awkward silence fills the room – Yuri and the man just staring at each other while Viktor and the other one look on. Finally Viktor breaks the silence, clearing his throat.

"You must have hit your head harder than we thought Yurio," he chuckles nervously. "It's Otabek."

"I... I don't know him," Yuri says still eyeing 'Otabek' suspiciously. He feels a little guilty when Otabek seems to sag in front of his eyes but he pushes it aside and turns to Viktor. "Why do you keep calling me 'Yurio'? It's weird."

Another silence falls and now Viktor is staring down at him looking hurt as well. It's all too confusing and kind of scary. Yuri doesn't know what to do, how to make them stop looking at him like that. The other man suddenly jumps to his rescue.

"Why don't I go and get your doctor?" he suggests. "Then hopefully they can tell us a bit more about what's happening."

He leaves the room and Yuri doesn't know if he wants to beg him to stay or not. This is too strange. Everything is so different and he doesn't know if he can handle the way Otabek is looking at him.

"Where's my Grandpa?" Yuri asks desperately trying to fill the awkward silence.

"He's on his way," Viktor replies. "He should be here tomorrow."

"And Yakov?"

"Also on his way," Viktor says. "He should be here sooner."

"Okay." Yuri's lost for words. His head is pounding and he doesn't know how to make things any less confusing.

A knock at the door breaks the tension filling the room and a woman's voice meets Yuri's ears. "Hello sweetheart it's good to see you awake," she says. "I'm Dr Lenkov, I'll be looking after you while you're here."

"Hi," Yuri mumbles as she comes over to him.

"How are you feeling?" she asks as she pulls up a chair and sits down, Otabek and Viktor making room for her.

"My head hurts," Yuri says.

"Understandable," she says. "You had quite a nasty fall."

"Did I?" Yuri doesn't remember falling. He still doesn't know what he actually does remember, it's all so hazy.

"I just want to ask you a couple of questions, if that's okay?" Dr Lenkov says.

"Um sure..." Yuri replies, still confused.

"Okay good can you tell me your name please?"

"Yuri Plisetsky," he says.

"And when is your birthday?"

"First of March 2001," he says. These are easy. He thought she was going to ask him about his apparent fall.

"And how old are you?" she asks.

"Thirteen," he says. Everyone in the room suddenly stops and stares at him. "What?" he asks, confused.

"Yuri, honey, what year is it?" Dr Lenkov asks, her voice a little more strained than before but still professional.

"2014."

Dr Lenkov nods slowly. "Okay it seems that the knock to your head when you feel may have caused some memory loss."

"Memory loss?"

"Now this is going to be a little difficult for you to understand but it's actually 2019," Dr Lenkov tells him.

"But..." Yuri begins trying to wrap his head around this piece of information. _It can't be..._ "But that would mean I'm eighteen," he says slowly as he works it out.

"Yes, I'm afraid it does," Dr Lenkov says. "Now we want to keep you here for a few more days now that you're awake, just to make sure that there is no other damage sustained."

She keeps talking but Yuri stops listening. He's already too busy thinking about the bomb that's just been dropped. _Five years... five years just gone..._ He can't wrap his head around it. It doesn't seem real – it can't be. This is what happens in films and trashy books. It doesn't happen to real people.

"Is that why I know you but not you?" Yuri asks slowly, looking from Viktor to Otabek, pointing at them respectively.

"That would explain it," Viktor says.

"There is going to be a lot of filling in that will need doing," Dr Lenkov says, "but it's important not to do too much all at once and wear yourself out."

Yuri can't breath. It's all too much and his head still hurts like crazy. He can feels tears at his eyes and his breath is coming out in pants. His chest is tightening, it feels like he's drowning and he doesn't know what to do to stop it.

A gentle hand on his shoulder makes him look up into the face of the man who's name he still doesn't know. He has kind eyes and a warm smile that would make Yuri feel better if he wasn't struggling to breathe.

"Yura," the man says, "my name is Yuuri, I'm Viktor's husband. We have met before."

Yuri stares up at him with wide eyes.

 _Viktor has a husband?_

"I want you to take a deep breath for me," Yuuri says and Yuri does so as best he can. "Now hold it for a second, let it out slowly and then tell me what colour my glasses are."

 _What?_

Yuri has no idea why he's being asked this. _They're blue..._ As he slowly lets out the breath he can feel himself calming slightly and he realises they're actually a bright cyan.

"Blue," is still what comes out but Yuuri smiles.

"Okay good, can we do that again but tell me what colour Viktor's hair is."

Yuri nods taking another deep breath. He looks over at Viktor noticing the way the light catches beautifully on his silver but something keeps him from wanting to say that.

"Grey," he says when he lets the breath out.

"Wow rude," Viktor chuckles. "Good to know you haven't lost you sense of humour."

"I know this is a lot to take in," Dr Lenkov says. "So I'll give you some time to process this and come back to check on you later, okay?"

"Thank you Dr Lenkov," Yuuri says.

"Get some rest," she tell Yuri. "We can discuss all the ins and outs of how to proceed when you've had a bit more time to process everything but it _will_ become easier."

"Okay," Yuri mumbles as she leaves. He doesn't know how much he believes her but it's easier to agree.

It's a lot to take in and knowing that he has half a decade's worth of stuff to catch up on is even more daunting. _What have I missed over the last five years?_ He still feels a little like he's drowning but that consuming panic seems to have gone. Yuuri... the other one, gives off this air of calm that keeps him from losing it completely. He's trying to keep his breathing even, trying to stay calm but he really wishes someone would say something instead.

"Well..." Yuuri says finally after the silence has stretched on a little too long, "that could have been a lot worse. We've still got you Yura and we can catch up slowly over time. It doesn't need to be done all in one go."

"This is true," Viktor says brightly.

He begins chatting animatedly in that annoying Viktor way of his but Yuri finds that he isn't as annoyed about it as he thinks he should be. More than anything he just feels exhausted, like every bit of energy he might have has been drained and all he wants to do is go to sleep.

"'m tired," he mumbles but it's loud enough to cut Viktor off mid sentence.

"Okay well we can leave and let you sleep," Viktor says.

"We'll be just outside the door if you need us, okay?" Yuuri says smiling at him. Yuri nods and leans back against his pillows. "Come on Otabek," Yuuri says, placing a hand on his shoulder and finally breaking the stupor he's in.

"Sure," he says and gets to his feet.

The three of them turn to leave and Yuri suddenly feels this crushing weight of loneliness. "Wait!" he cries. All three of them turn to look and him and he suddenly feels very silly. "I... um... I..."

"You alright Yura?" Yuuri asks.

"I know, I know Viktor," Yuri says looking at Otabek, "and I get him as he's married to Viktor," he continues, gesturing to Yuuri. "How do I know you?"

Otabek seems to think about this for a minute or two before answering. "We're friends."

Yuri mulls this over for a moment. It seems plausible enough that they are friends otherwise why would Otabek be here? It doesn't quite explain the hand kissing but maybe they're just really close... or maybe Otabek is just a very touchy-feely person. Having a friend wouldn't be so bad – he does remember being very lonely and he must have made some friends in the last five years, at the very least one.

He smiles. "I'll try to make sure that I remember you then," he says. "I don't remember really having any friends so it's nice to know that I do."

Otabek doesn't say anything, he just gives Yuri a slightly tight lipped smile. It's a strange look – he almost looks like he's in pain – but Yuri has no idea why. After a pause Yuuri takes Otabek's arm and pulls him away.

"Let's let him get some sleep."

"We'll be right out here," Viktor says.

"Okay," Yuri mumbles. His eyes are already slipping closed as the the tiredness envelops him. He tries to fight it for a moment or two, why he doesn't really know, but eventually he lies back down and lets himself drift off to sleep.


	3. Things I Almost Remember

**Hey guys, so Yuri's starting to get himself back to as normal as he can after losing five years of memory hope you enjoy it**

"Here you go," Nikolai says as he places a plate filled with piroshki on the table.

Yuri smiles up at him. "Thanks Grandpa."

Nikolai ruffles his hair and sits down opposite him. "How are you doing Yurochka?"

"I'm fine," Yuri says with a shrug, taking a piroshki. Since he was let out of the hospital he's been staying with his grandfather in the flat he was renting before the accident. It's a small flat and it's a little cramped but with Nikolai it feels like home. It feels normal while everything else is in turmoil. The only thing that is different is his reflection when he looks in the mirror.

"Are you sure?" Nikolai asks, scrutinising him.

"Yeah," Yuri replies.

Nikolai shakes his head and smiles fondly. "This is me you're talking to," he says. "You can't lie to your old Grandpa now."

"I guess so," Yuri says looking down and picking at his piroshki. This is one person that he doesn't feel he needs to pretend with.

"What's on your mind son?"

"Nothing really," Yuri says. "Just trying to get back to normal."

"And how's that going?" Nikolai asks.

Yuri sighs as he thinks this through. _Well it's going..._ It's very difficult: he gets a lot of headaches and just when he thinks he's up to date something new will come along and he's confused again. The internet is sort of helpful but it's so ever changing that he's struggling to keep up at times. He's slowly filling in the blanks in his career and he's very proud of what he's accomplished, he just wishes he actually remembered it happening.

"It's slow," he says finally.

"You'll get there," Nikolai smiles.

"I just would have thought that I'd have like a Facebook page or something," Yuri says. "It would have been a huge help and I wouldn't have to look at articles."

"Didn't you have one of those Instant Gram things?"

"It's called Instagram Grandpa," Yuri laughs. "But I guess I didn't because I can't find one. I've set up a new one though. I think taking picture of stuff might help jog my memory."

"What did Dr Lenkov say?"

"She says that the skating will probably be a big help 'cause it's something I know," Yuri replies.

"Well you're off to the rink tomorrow, aren't you?" Nikolai asks.

"Yeah Yuuri and Viktor are taking me," Yuri says, his face lighting up. "I'm really excited."

"Good, I'm glad," Nikolai smiles. "Doing well remembering his name there."

"It's the same as mine, that's kinda cheating," Yuri says.

"What about that other boy you used to spend time with?" Nikolai asks. "The one with the undercut and the motorbike?"

Yuri looks confused for a moment. He knows exactly who Nikolai means but he can't for the life of him remember his name. He feels guilty – he should remember his name, he comes to see him from time to time and Yuri always finds it easy to talk to him. Besides he had said that he and Yuri were friends.

"I think he's going to be there as well," he says finally.

"What is his name..." Nikolai mumbles, more to himself than to Yuri. "It's on the tip of my tongue."

Yuri laughs. "You're nearly as bad as me."

"Cheeky sod," Nikolai snorts. He smiles fondly at Yuri. "Eat up," he says after a pause. "Get some meat on that chicken leg body of yours."

"Okay," Yuri says taking a bite although he doesn't really have to be told twice.

* * *

Yuri feels himself tingling with anticipation as he stands outside the rink the next morning. He's excited, anxious even, to get back onto the ice. After seeing the medals he's won over the years he knows he's good, he just hopes he didn't lose that in the accident as well.

"You ready?" Yuuri asks, appearing at his shoulder.

"Yeah."

"Remember you have to take things slowly so that you don't get hurt," Viktor says.

"Yeah."

Yuuri places a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Do you want to do the honour?"

"Okay," Yuri says beaming. He takes a deep breath and pushes the door of the rink open.

The mist hazing across the top of the ice makes Yuri's heart skip. It's been too long, it feels like it's been a life time but he had no way of really knowing. All he can do for a good few minutes is stand and stare, completely enraptured. He's barely breathing and he knows that his grin is splitting his face but he doesn't bother trying to contain it. He's too excited to keep it in.

A hand gives his shoulder a squeeze. "You ready for this?" Yuuri asks.

"Oh my god, yes!"

"Then let's go."

It's just the three of them at first. Yuri is a little surprised that Yakov isn't there as well but he's quite glad they're the only ones there for the first part of the morning. It feels so much easier to take those first few steps out onto the ice to be one of the only people there. He can feel nerves bubbling up in the back of his throat as he glides onto the ice but Yuuri puts on a piece of music he apparently did a routine to when he was fifteen.

As soon as the music begins it's as if something clicks in his mind. He starts to skate and it all comes back to him: all the movements, the step sequences and the jumps. It feels so good and so right, like everything finally makes sense. He can feel all the tension in his body slipping away and he feels like himself once again.

The music comes to an end and he finishes with a flourish to rapturous applause from both Viktor and Yuuri. He wipes a hand over his brow, his heart pounding and his breath quick. _I can't believe I just did that..._ He can feel himself trembling as he skates back over to where Viktor and Yuuri are waiting for him, both of them still clapping.

"That was amazing Yura!" Yuuri cries.

"Th... thank you," Yuri says rubbing the back of his neck. He can feel himself blushing, a heat fanning across his face but he isn't sure if that's from the exertion of skating or not. "I don't know how I did that."

"It must be muscle memory," Viktor says. "You practised that routine often enough and it is a world record breaking routine if I may say so myself."

"Huh?"

"Viktor choreographed that routine for you when you had your Senior Debut," Yuuri explains.

"Oh cool."

"So do you remember performing it?" Viktor asks. "Dr Lenkov said things like this might jog your memory."

"I know I broke a world record," Yuri says, "'cause I read about it online but no I don't remember actually doing it."

"You'll get there," Yuuri says giving him a smile and his shoulder a squeeze.

"Yeah..."

"Do you want to try another of your old routines?" Viktor asks after a pause. "See if that muscle memory works a second time."

Yuri beams. "Sure."

* * *

Yuri spends the rest of the morning skating through some of his old routine. The muscle memory seems to work for most of them and as soon as he hears the music he is able to skate the routine just as he had the first time around. It's a real confidence boost especially when Yakov turns up with Georgi and the red headed girl (Yuri's pretty sure her name is Mila). The man from the hospital is also there.

 _I really should have written his name down..._ Yuri thinks as he tosses them all a grin. Mila claps and cheers for him as he finishes his routine and his heart skips again. So far this hasn't seemed to jog any actual memories but it's been way better than sitting around the house with the cat all day. _Wait the cat..._

"Otya!" Yuri calls skating over to the edge of the rink to where Otabek is standing.

"Hey..." Otabek says looking a little perplexed.

"You okay?" Yuri, asks, brows furrowing at the look on Otabek's face.

Otabek shakes himself. "Yeah, sorry, just... you used to call me Beka. Getting used to the new nickname."

"Yuri scrunches up his face. "Beka? That sounds weird."

"Oh... I kind of liked it."

"Oh... I mean I can go back to it if you want," Yuri says. "It's just I remember Otya better." _Don't tell him it's because of the cat, it's a bit weird._

"Then Otya's fine," he says giving Yuri a small, sad smile.

"What did you think of the routine?" Yuri asks, thinking a change of subject is probably in order.

"It's very good," Otabek replies. "It looks like I've got a lot of practising to keep up."

"I bet you're great," Yuri says. He's never seen Otabek skate (at least he doesn't remember seeing him skate but Otabek is so cool he probably makes it look effortless).

"Well thank you," Otabek says but the smile on his face doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"Um... do you maybe want to get dinner or something after you're done training?" Yuri asks. "I'm trying to do stuff that will help my memory and you probably know a lot that could fill in a few blanks for me."

A muscle in Otabek's jaw tightens. "Maybe another time," he says after a pause.

"Oh... okay," Yuri says trying not to sound too disappointed. It would have been nice to spend time with Otabek but if he says he's busy then...

"I need to, um..." Otabek says, awkwardly gesturing to the ice and Yuri plasters a smile on his face.

"Sure." He steps aside so that Otabek can skate towards the centre of the rink. Yuri stands there and watches him, deep in thought. He can't get the measure of Otabek. Just when he thinks he might have found some common ground Otabek takes a few steps backwards, leaving Yuri confused and alone again.

"You alright Yura?" Yuuri asks from behind him, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Yeah... it's just..." He sighs. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Does Otya not like me?"

"Otya?" Yuuri asks until comprehension finally dawns on his face. "Oh... Otabek. Of course he does, why do you ask?"

"It's just we're supposed to be friends, right?" Yuri asks leaning on the edge of the rink. "Why doesn't he want to talk to me?"

"He just needs to get used to things," Yuuri replies after a long pause. "You two were very close so it must be difficult for him as well. Just like you he needs to get his head around things. Give him time and he'll come back to you."

Yuri turns to watch Otabek as he practices a few jumps. He looks amazing and it makes Yuri's heart ache that there's this distance between them that he feels like he's caused. It's not like he can help it – he knows that – but it still hurts and he doesn't really fully understand why. "I guess so..."


	4. Filling In The Gaps

**Hey guys, here's my latest chapter with a lil bit of JJ Style, I hope you all enjoy it :)**

Time passes and Yuri's memories show no signs of returning. It's a bit of a bind but Yuri has resigned himself to the fact that they might _not_ return. On the one hand he feels almost a morose nostalgia – like he's lost something – but on the other it was something he never knew so he's not too put out. Realistically he knows that he did know it, it's just not there within his reach anymore and he just has to live with that. He keeps trying though, he keeps trying anything that will help him get that jolt that might bring everything rushing back.

Dr Lenkov seemed to have hoped that skating would do it for him but, aside from some very impressive muscle memory, nothing seems to have happened. He keeps going back to the rink though. Skating makes sense. It gives him a sense of purpose and meaning that he hasn't had since he woke up in hospital. It's the off season so he has time to get his head around it all but a part of him is even ready to compete again. Whenever he's bought this up in conversation people have been a little hesitant to agree that he should go back to competing but he's going to prove to everyone that he's still the best.

He's out walking, enjoying the sunshine and the time spent alone with his thoughts. He loves being with everyone at the rink but the expectation is almost stifling. No one says it aloud but everyone has this deep down expectation that he should remember them. They're all very nice and smile when he reveals that he still doesn't remember there is a sadness in their eyes that he wishes wasn't there. He wishes that they would just accept it – he has.

"Hey Yuri!" a voice calls out to him, making him look up from the pavement underfoot. "Yuri!"

He turns to see Otabek weaving through the crowd towards him. No... it's not Otabek Yuri realises as the man gets closer. They look a hell of a lot like each other but this guy is a little taller, built slightly differently and he's smiling, something Otabek never seems to do all that much. Yuri still has no idea who he is and that guilt is already sweeping through him.

"Hey," the man grins as he finally reaches Yuri, "long time no see kitten, how have you been?"

 _Kitten? That's a new one..._

He doesn't hate it though, in fact he can feel a blush fanning across his cheeks. Although that might have more to do with what he has to ask next.

"Um I'm sorry but do I know you?" he asks. He feels almost overcome by guilt – clearly this is someone he knows, someone who is excited enough to track him down in a crowd when he sees him but Yuri is totally lost to whom he might be.

The man slaps his palm to his forehead and shakes his head. "Oh shit, yeah, I heard about your accident. So you've got nothing going on upstairs huh?"

Yuri snorts. "Bit rude."

The man grimaces. "Sorry let me re-phrase that and start again. Hi Yuri, my name is JJ Leroy, I used to know you before you lost your memory. I realise you will have absolutely no idea who I actually am."

Yuri laughs. _Okay this guy guy is funny..._ "JJ," he says as if committing it to memory.

"That's me," JJ grins and that is a grin that almost stops Yuri's heart. He can feel his cheeks heating up and he has no idea why. JJ is rather good looking, he has to admit. Any idiot can see that and Yuri is most definitely not an idiot.

"So... um... how come I've never seen you around before?" Yuri asks, wanting to keep talking to him.

"Flew in yesterday," JJ replies. "Haven't had a chance to hit the rink yet."

"You a skater?"

"Yeah I am," JJ replies. "A good one too. I mean not as good as you but I'm up there."

"Yeah I had to Wiki my own history," Yuri laughs. "It was a very surreal experience."

"I'll bet," JJ says and Yuri is both surprised and elated to see that there is none of the usual pity in JJ's eyes that come across other people's when he talks about his memory loss. "So how are you doing?"

"Um... I mean I'm okay," Yuri replies. "I mean I'm getting along and doing alright but things are still difficult."

"I can imagine," JJ says. "It's great to see you though, you look good."

"Good?" Yuri asks without thinking. _When he says good does he mean..._

"Well," JJ seems to clarify. "I mean you always have looked good but I mean you're looking well."

"Thanks," Yuri says, that blush deepening. His heart is fluttering in his chest and he doesn't really know why. He's never experienced anything like this before; all he remembers being interested in was skating, he never really had time for people. He wants to make time for JJ though. Aside from the fact that he's the first person not to look at him with complete and utter pity, he's rather charming and very good looking on top of that. It's a strange feeling as up until a while ago he still thought of himself as thirteen but he's spent a lot of time reminding himself that he is, in fact, eighteen now. "Um..." He wants to ask. He wants to be bold but his voice is sticking in his throat.

"Yeah?" JJ asks.

"Would you like to get a drink with me?" Yuri asks finally. "Like coffee or something?"

JJ blinks and Yuri even thinks he might be blushing a little. "Um, sure, yeah that would be really nice."

"Maybe you can help me fill in some of the blanks," Yuri says. He's almost positive he's flirting shamelessly and he's pretty sure that JJ knows it too but he has a wonderful excuse to flirt shamelessly. He is eighteen after all and he might as well give the hormones raging through him a try. His heart is in his throat as he waits for JJ's answer.

A smirk crosses JJ's face and he reaches over to brush Yuri's fringe out of his face, touch lingering a lot longer than perhaps necessary. "I can do that."

* * *

"So we didn't get on?" Yuri asks once the waiter has left them each with a steaming mug of coffee.

JJ chuckles. "I got on fine with you, you didn't get on with me."

"Really? Why not?" Yuri asks, confused as to why he wouldn't get on with JJ. _But he's so nice..._

"I was kind of an ass when I was younger," JJ replies.

"I find that hard to believe," Yuri says after a pause. "I mean you seem so friendly."

JJ chuckles. "Well a breakdown on the ice at the GPF will bring you crashing back down to earth no matter how up in the clouds your head is."

"I'm sorry," Yuri says. He vaguely remembers reading something about another skater having a meltdown mid routine but he was a little too distracted by the fact that he apparently broke a world record to follow it up.

"Don't be," JJ says waving him off. "It took a lot of working but I got there. Bella was a great help."

"Bella?"

"Sorry," JJ says shaking his head. "I keep forgetting...ironic. I mean Isabella."

"Is she your girlfriend?" Yuri asks tentatively. He thought JJ was interested in him but he could have been _really_ wrong and reading too much into someone being very friendly.

"She _was_ my fiancé," JJ replies.

"Was?" Yuri asks trying not to sound too hopeful.

"We decided to take a break," JJ says. "See other people for a while and see how things pan out."

"Oh I'm sorry." Now he feels guilty for being happy to find out that JJ's single. It's obviously a sore subject.

JJ smiles. "Seriously it's okay," he says. "We got engaged way too young – we were still growing as people and we're still friends. It's not like there was a screaming match or anything and we still talk all the time."

"So... are you seeing anyone right now?" Yuri asks, still trying to work out if he's reading this situation totally wrong. It took a good few days to get his head around the fact that he's good looking enough to glean attention from other people and it's alright for him to like it and respond to it.

JJ fixes Yuri with a burning look. "Well right now I'm looking at you."

It's as if Cupid has shot him right through the heart. Yuri can feel his ears heating up and he has to clear his throat before he speaks again. "So... um what's it like in Canada?"

"Come on we've talked enough about me," JJ laughs. "I want to hear about you."

"There's not much to tell," Yuri chuckles. "To be honest at this point you probably know more than I do."

"Well what about the last couple of months then?" JJ asks. "It's been so long since I've actually seen you it doesn't matter what you tell me."

"Okay," Yuri says. "The last couple of months hasn't been great I will admit but I think I'm getting better."

"Like memories coming back?"

"Not a single one," Yuri shakes his head. "I'm... adjusting is probably the best word for it."

"How so?"

"Like I don't have to remind myself that I'm not thirteen any more," Yuri replies, "and I don't have to keep checking what year it is."

"Well that's good," JJ grins.

"I mean I'm not totally there," Yuri says. "I have real trouble remembering people's names now."

"Well at least my name only has two letters."

"GG?" Yuri asks, grinning cheekily.

For a moment JJ looks shocked but then his face relaxes and he snorts. "You're funny."

"I like to think so," Yuri shrugs.

JJ reaches over the table and brushes Yuri's fringe out of his face staring into his eyes. He's silent for so long that Yuri can feel a heat creep up the back of his neck and fan across his cheeks. One that he's almost positive JJ will notice.

"What?" he asks.

"Nothing," JJ says, not moving his hand or dropping his gaze. "You're just incredibly beautiful."

"Oh..."

* * *

The two of them spend most of the afternoon in the café, JJ buys Yuri lunch and then walks him home, taking the scenic route. All the while Yuri's heart is fluttering, especially whenever JJ makes an excuse to touch him. Being with JJ is so easy; he doesn't expect Yuri to remember him, doesn't assume that he's suddenly going to get this jolt of memory.

When they finally reach the front door to Yuri's building he doesn't want to have to say goodbye but he knows that he can't invite JJ upstairs as his grandfather is still there. That would be too embarrassing for words.

"So this is me," he says.

"Okay."

"I had such a good time today," Yuri says with a smile. "Thank you."

"No, thank you," JJ says. "It was great to see you and spend time with you."

"Can I see you again some time?" Yuri asks.

"I'd like that," JJ replies. "Can I get your phone number?"

"Sure thing." Yuri hands over his phone while JJ hands his over. He puts his number into JJ's phone before handing it back and receiving his own in return. "Don't be a stranger," he says with a coquettish smile.

"Don't worry," JJ says before leaning down to press a soft kiss to Yuri's cheek, "I won't."


	5. Moving In The Opposite Direction

**Hey everyone, brand new chapter for your weekend, hope you enjoy it :D**

Yuri is practically dancing as he heads up the stairs to his flat. He can still feel the lingering touch of JJ's lips on his cheek and his heart begins skipping every time he thinks about it. He can't keep the grin off his face as he thinks about his afternoon. He knows he should keep that in check, the grin will definitely invite questions from Nikolai that he doesn't necessarily know that he can answer right away. It's a little strange because he's still discovering things about himself and here he is getting himself involved with someone else.

"Hey Grandpa!" Yuri calls as he closes the front door behind himself.

"He's just popped out," Yuuri explains as he steps into the hallway from the living room to greet him.

"Oh okay," Yuri says as he toes his shoes off. "How come you're here then?"

"I came over to see how you were doing," Yuuri replies smiling. "I got talking to Nikolai and said I'd wait till you got back while he went to the shops."

"Oh cool thanks," Yuri says as they head into the living room.

"Good walk?" Yuuri asks sitting down.

"It was great thanks," Yuri says, picking up Potya and sitting down with her in his lap. A smile creeps back onto his face before he can stop it and he's sure that Yuuri notices.

The ever watchful eye does pick up on it and Yuuri grins knowingly at him. "What's happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Yuri asks trying to sound nonchalant.

"You're smiling," Yuuri replies.

"So?"

"Just wondering what's gotten you smiling like this."

"It's nothing," Yuri says, a blush creeping over his cheeks.

"Come on you can tell me," Yuuri says. "I haven't seen you smiling like this in a while."

"Oh..."

"You know you can tell anything Yura," Yuuri says. "I can help if you need me to and if not then I'm always here to listen if that's what you want."

"I know," Yuri mumbles. Out of everyone, aside from his grandfather, he actually feels as if he _can_ trust Yuuri. Plus if Yuuri is married to Viktor then he might actually understand where he's coming from with this. All he knows is that when he thinks of JJ his heart does these little flips that he's only ever felt when he's skating before. It's never been brought on by another person and he needs to know what that means.

"Hey can I ask you something?" he asks.

"Sure."

"How did it feel when you first met Viktor?"

Yuuri regards him for a moment, thinking this over. "Um... how do you mean?"

"Like... when you first met him how did you know if he was going to be The One?" Yuri asks.

"Well it's a feeling that's quite hard to explain," Yuuri says. "Whenever I see him I feel all warm inside, like I'm floating. None of the usual anxiety or anything that keeps me down matters and I feel like I'm home."

"So... like you're comfortable?" Yuri asks.

"If you like yes," Yuuri replies. "I mean I could go on and on about how I feel about Viktor but that is the best and simplest way I can put it."

"Okay," Yuri nods thinking this through. His heart has most definitely been doing some strange things this afternoon. In fact just thinking about JJ's lips on his cheek has it flipping all over again.

"Was that your question or was there something else?" Yuuri asks but the look on his face says that he knows there's something else, he's just waiting for Yuri to come to him.

"There is kind of something else," Yuri says and he can feel heat fanning everywhere.

"Yes?"

"I... I think I might have kind of a crush on someone," Yuri finally manages to say.

Yuuri blinks at him for a moment before he clears his throat. "Okay, is that why you asked about me and Viktor?"

"Yeah..." Yuri mumbles hiding behind his hair.

"Well having a crush is okay," Yuuri says after a pause.

"I... er... I also think I might be gay," Yuri says. He wants to bury his fact into Potya's fir he's so embarrassed. It feels ridiculous having to say it like that but he can't think of a better way to put it into words. He's really unsure of himself and he's so unused to having to admit to anything like this – hell he can't even remember being interested in anyone apart from a girl he saw on a orange juice advert when he was nine who had very large breasts.

"That's okay too," Yuuri says.

"Yeah I know I just..." Yuri sighs and shakes his head. "I don't really know what to do with it, you know?"

"That's incredibly understandable," Yuuri says. "You've had a lot to deal with over the last few weeks and understanding a new found sexuality is quite hard to come to terms with."

"Yeah," Yuri says, smiling with relief. He's so thankful that Yuuri understands him and isn't going to judge him for how long it is taking him to figure things out.

"So what's he like?" Yuuri asks after a pause.

"Huh?"

"This guy you've got your eye on," Yuuri clarifies.

"He's really cool," Yuri says, his mind lingering on the way JJ has a slight swagger when he walks, his smirk and a twinkle in his eyes when he looks at him.

"Do I know him?" Yuuri asks.

"I don't know, probably," Yuri replies with a shrug. He has no idea if Yuuri does know JJ or not. He's guessing that he probably does because JJ's a skater too but that doesn't mean that they've probably met before. "He's tall – taller than me – handsome, he's got a dark undercut and he's from Canada."

Yuuri blinks, a little surprised by this revelation. "Canada huh?"

"Yeah," Yuri says, absently stroking Potya's ears and grinning to himself. "His name is JJ Leroy."

"Oh I think I have met him before," Yuuri says. "He's really nice."

"I bumped into him while I was out walking and he took me out for lunch," Yuri explains. "I mean I didn't remember him but he was really cool about it."

"How do you mean?" Yuuri asks.

"He didn't push me to try and remember him," Yuri explains. "He was just like 'okay let's start over then'."

"That's good."

Something in the tone of Yuuri's voice has changed somehow and Yuri's noticed. Brow furrowed he looks up from the cat to Yuuri but his face is as neutral as ever.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah I'm fine," Yuuri says with a smile.

"You sure?"

"Yes," Yuuri assures him. "So are you seeing JJ again."

"I hope so."

"I'm glad you're happy Yura," Yuuri says. "It's nice to see you smiling like this."

"Thanks," Yuri says looking down and hiding behind his fringe, all thoughts of Yuuri's change in tone forgotten. He continues to stroke Potya for a few moments before his phone vibrates in his pocket. He wriggles, trying not to disturb Potya, until he can pull his phone out of his pocket. He unlocks the screen to a text from JJ.

 **[4:34pm] FROM: JJ LEROY – Had an amazing time today Kitten, can't wait to see you again ;) xx**

A grin splits his face in two as he re-reads the message again. He can feel his heart doing flips in his chest, as if it's about to burst out of his chest. _I must have it really bed if I'm getting this worked up over a text... oh who cares, I like JJ._

"Who's it from?" Yuuri asks. He's smiling knowingly so Yuri guesses that he already knows but he obviously wants to hear Yuri say it aloud.

"Um... it's from JJ," he says, his face heating up again. _If this carries on I'm going to be stuck like this._ He's glad it's Yuuri he's having this conversation with, it would be way too embarrassing to have it with his grandfather and talking to Viktor about emotions would just be awful.

Yuuri smiles. "I'm glad you're happy Yura," he says.

"Thanks," Yuri says as he taps out a reply to JJ.

Yuuri watches him for a moment. It's true that he hasn't seen Yuri this happy since before the accident. Losing that much memory has taken its toll on him and it's so good to see him smiling again. He just hadn't expected JJ to be the one making him smile and it's not just because of their previous history. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and taps out a text to Otabek.

 **[4:40pm] FROM: ME – You and I need to talk**


	6. Easy Way Out

**Otabek you useless fucking lettuce! Someone needs to give this boy a talking to, hope you enjoy :D**

Otabek knocks on Viktor and Yuuri's front door an hour after Yuuri sent him that text telling him that they need to talk. It sounded serious when Otabek first read it and the longer he thinks about it the more nervous he is. He's almost certain it's going to be a conversation about Yuri but he doesn't know if he can have it at all, never mind now. He fucked up when it came to light that Yuri had no memory of him and he continues to _keep_ fucking up – he knows he is but he's let it go on so long that he's gotten himself into a state where he has no idea how to fix it.

 _Hopefully Yuuri will know what to do, he's sensible..._

The door opens and Otabek is faced with Yuuri, his expression unreadable and making Otabek even more nervous. Yuuri offers him a smile before stepping aside to allow Otabek room to come in. He awkwardly shuffles inside.

"Do you want some tea?" Yuuri asks as Otabek closes the door behind himself.

"Um yeah that would be great, thanks," he replies. He feels awkward. He's pretty sure he hasn't actually spent any significant time alone with Yuuri (or Viktor for that matter) and he doesn't quite know how to begin any kind of conversation. He follows Yuuri to the kitchen, still not completely sure what to say, what to do or how to act. Luckily for him Yuuri seems to be a bit more on the ball.

"So I guess you're wondering why I ask you to come here," Yuuri says, breaking the silence as he fills the kettle with water.

"I can guess," Otabek says. He feels like he's been confronted with a parent or teacher who 'isn't angry, just disappointed' and it's only going to get worse.

"Well that cuts out a lot of explanation then," Yuuri smiles cheerfully.

"Yeah." _This is awkward! How can I make this feel less awkward?_

"Then, since we're both on thee same page, what's going on between you and Yura?" Yuuri asks.

Otabek's heart stops. He was right, this is what Yuuri wants to talk about. _As if it was going to be anything else._ "We... er... we're friends," he says finally.

"And you're alright with that?" Yuuri asks, eyebrow raised.

"Well... I guess... it's not ideal," Otabek admits, unconsciously rubbing the back of his neck, "but he doesn't remember me from before his accident. I didn't want him to feel like he was being pressured into anything so I stayed away."

"Well while you were keeping your distance Yuuri met someone who wasn't," Yuuri tells him.

"What?"

"I just had a conversation with him, gushing about this guy that he's met who talks to him normally and doesn't push him away," Yuuri says. "At first I thought he was talking about you but then he said the guy's name was JJ."

"As in JJ Leroy?" Otabek asks and Yuuri nods, confirming his worst fears as if it could have been anyone else. "Oh fuck."

"So I thought I should tell you before you found out another way."

"I... I just... I wanted him to come to me on his own," Otabek says. His head is spinning and his chest hurts. Of course JJ would be the same as ever with Yuri and he's very charming so of course he'd make a good impression. "I wanted him to fall for me on his own terms and not feel as if he had to be with me."

The kettle finishes boiling behind them and Yuuri begins to make two cups of tea. He hands one to Otabek once he's finished.

"I understand what you were trying to do, and your intentions were very noble but what if he and JJ get into a relationship and stay together? What's your plan then?" Yuuri asks..

Otabek doesn't really have a plan. If he's really honest with himself this isn't something that he's considered as a possibility. He has no idea what he thought would happen as he's been avoiding Yuri for quite some time now. The only thing he can think of is to continue doing that.

"I guess I'll leave him to it," he says finally. "Go back to Kazakhstan maybe."

"Pardon?" Yuuri asks, blinking at him.

"He won't need me around so there's no reason for me to stick around," Otabek says.

"You cannot be serious," Yuuri says shaking his head and Otabek realises that he might have just said the wrong thing. "You would actually just leave?"

"Yes?" Otabek says, sounding very unsure of himself.

"And how do you think Yura is going to react to that?" Yuuri asks. "He needs friends right now, he's just lost five years of his life, how do you think he's going to feel if you suddenly disappear after telling him that you were friends?"

Otabek looks down at his tea, ashamed. "I guess I didn't think about it like that."

"I understand where you were coming from, I really do but if you push him away anymore then he's not going to come back to you," Yuuri says. "He's just going to feel even more isolated."

"I messed up, I know I did," Otabek mumbles, still unable to meet Yuuri's eye.

"Now you have a chance to put things right," Yuuri tells him.

"I will," Otabek says. "I'll go and talk to him as soon as I can, then I can straighten this out and tell him the truth."

"Good," Yuuri says with a smile. "I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing you but I didn't want to take the chance that you'd find out about Yura and JJ some other way and bolt."

"That was fair assumption," Otabek nods. The idea of Yuri being with anyone else is physically painful and the idea of it being someone he knows and has to see is quite possibly the worst thing he can think of.

"So do you know what you're going to do?" Yuuri asks after a long pause.

"No," Otabek admits, "but I'll work it out when I see him. I'll tell him that we were together and I'll see what he wants to do from there."

"Good," Yuuri says.

His phone chimes on kitchen counter behind him. He picks it up and Otabek watches as a look of resigned sadness crosses his face. "It... ah... it looks like you might already be too late."

"What?"

Yuuri turns his phone so that Otabek can see the screen. On it is a picture from Yuri's Instagram feed – he is grinning from ear to ear, JJ's arms around his waist as he presses a kiss to Yuri's cheek. The caption underneath reads ' **Spending the night with this amazing guy, watching films and chilling #lazyevenings #movienight #newromance #newbf #hottie** ' and Otabek's heart sinks.


	7. Figures Dancing Gracefully

**Hey everyone, hope you you're enjoying this and I hope you enjoy this newest chapter :)**

Avoiding social media has always come quite naturally to Otabek. He has an Instagram account but he so rarely uses it and he's very private about his personal life. For the most part he only ever uploads pictures of him skating or DJing that other people have taken or a few photos of landscapes he thinks look cool. Yuri was the one who had all the pictures of the two of them, which were lost to the ethers when his old Instagram was hacked.

Now Yuri's new feed is a lot of picture of him and JJ together and every time Otabek thinks about the two of them together he feels an ache in his chest so powerful he sometimes thinks he might be slowly dying.

He stays in Russia though. He promised Yuuri that he would so he stays and the ache only deepens. Seeing Yuri already hurt like hell when he didn't remember who Otabek was at all but knowing that he pushed Yuri away and let him slip through his grasp really is like a knife in Otabek's heart. He tries to remain as normal as he can – not show any kind of drastic change in his behaviour toward Yuri – but he knows that he's not doing very well on that front.

Things are tense. He doesn't know if Yuri has noticed but it feels as if their conversations are harder, more impersonal... even more so than before. He still loves watching Yuri skate but it's like a whole new brand of masochistic torture in and of itself. _Why am I doing this to myself?_

"Otya," Yuri says brightly, bringing him out of his thoughts. Yuri's cheeks are flushed from the exertion of the routine he's just skated, his eyes are sparkling and he looks absolutely beautiful, Otabek swallows the urge to kiss him. _He's in a relationship with someone else, you fucked it up and badly._

"Hey," he says, tone clipped.

"You skating today," Yuri asks.

"Yeah," Otabek replies. "Got a routine to practice."

"Oh cool, can I watch?" Yuri asks looking almost as excited at the prospect as he would about skating his own routine.

"Um... sure..." The thought of Yuri watching him dulls the ache somewhat but it comes right back when he hears the door to the rink open behind him. Yuri's attention is instantly diverted to whoever has just come in. The smile that used to be reserved just for him spreads over Yuri's face and Otabek's heart sinks, the world beginning to crumble around him.

"JJ!" Yuri calls happily and Otabek turns to see JJ striding across to them, a grin of his own splitting his face.

"Hey kitten," JJ says as he reaches Yuri. He slips his hand around the back of Yuri's neck and pulls him into a kiss.

Otabek wants to hate JJ, he really does, but he knows that he can't. None of this is JJ's fault, if anything Otabek is in this situation entirely of his own volition. If he could only go back to just after Yuri's accident and tell him the truth the he wouldn't have to see Yuri smiling like that at JJ instead of at him.

"Otya was just about to show me his new routine," Yuri tells JJ, his voice once again cutting Otabek out of his thoughts.

"Awesome," JJ grins. "It's been ages since I've seen you skate."

"Don't get too excited," Otabek mumbles, the pressure feeling as if it's mounting by the second.

"Why not?" JJ asks. "You're great."

"Um... thanks," Otabek replies. He doesn't know how to carry on this conversation and he's almost even more furious at himself _because_ he doesn't. "I'm going to..." He gestures awkwardly to the ice and heads off, trying to swallow the pain of seeing Yuri with someone else.

As he makes his way to the centre of the rink he catches Yuuri's eye from the sideline. Yuuri gives him a pointed look that very clearly says 'you fucked up'. As if Otabek actually needed to be told He knows he's fucked up and he's trying to live with it. He takes a deep breath and begins to skate as the music begins, trying to concentrate on his routine.

He gets through it. Somehow he makes his way through the routine without too many mistakes. He over-rotates on one of his jumps but he tries not to let Yuri and JJ get to him too much. He hates himself for it because he know it's his own fault. He's made his bed and, now, he has to lie in it.

The music comes to an end and he finishes the routine to rapturous applause and cheers from Yuri. He knows it's Yuri cheering for him; he's heard it enough times before only now hearing it is like plunging his head into a bucket of ice. The urge to run is as strong as ever but he doesn't get the chance to (more's the pity).

"That was amazing Otya," Yuri says beaming up at him and Otabek really has to resist the urge to hug him. Aside from the fact that JJ is there watching it would only serve to confuse Yuri after everything he's said and done.

Instead he just smiles. "Thanks."

"JJ and I are going to go out for dinner after practice if you want to join us?" Yuri asks.

It's so hard for Otabek to say no but he knows that he won't be able to handle it if he does. Over Yuri's shoulder he catches Yuuri's eye and the look on his face is one of resigned disappointment. There's a part of him that can't work out which is worse: knowing what he's lost or Yuuri's disappointment.

"Maybe another time," he says. "Sorry... I need to go and make a phone call."

He skates away leaving Yuri standing there staring after him, confused and hurt. _What am I doing wrong? Why doesn't he want to spend time with me?_

"You okay kitten?" JJ asks as Yuri skates back to him, noticing the melancholy look on his face.

"Yeah..." Yuri mumbles.

"What's wrong?" JJ asks slipping a hand around the back of Yuri's neck, pulling him close to press their foreheads together.

"I just thought Otabek might want to come with us, you know 'cause he's supposed to be my friend but he just keeps turning me down every time I try."

JJ tilts Yuri's face up and presses a kiss to Yuri's lips. "Well how about, instead of going out to dinner, you and I go back to my hotel room. We can order room service and I can spoil you for the rest of the night."

A smile spreads over Yuri's face and he leans in to kiss JJ again. "That sounds awesome."


	8. Heated

**Who wants some porn to start their weekend? EVERYONE :D Here have some porn, you all deserve, it's been a long week, hope you all enjoy**

Lips and hands roam, Yuri's breath comes out in pants as JJ's teeth scrape his neck. The food they ordered is eaten, the film still playing on the television unnoticed and ignored. Yuri can't work out how this even started. He and JJ were snuggling up together watching this stupid film that was on one of the channels. He had turned to JJ and then they were kissing, things becoming more and more heated by the second. He doesn't even care, all he cares about is the press of JJ's lips against his neck as fireworks explode behind his eyelids.

His body is alight with thousands of sensations. Each and every one feels brand new but at the same time so familiar. He eases into it like he's slipping on an old forgotten coat that still fits perfectly. Being with JJ is amazing and he feels as if he is on top of the world, like nothing else matters because JJ knows exactly how to make it all disappear.

"Ah JJ," he gasps softly, relishing how good the scratch of JJ's undercut feels against his palms.

"Yes kitten?"

"I... ah... oh god please don't stop," Yuri pants, hands clutching JJ's hair even tighter.

"Don't worry kitten, I have no intention of stopping unless you ask me to," JJ all but purrs. His lips find Yuri's again and his tongue flicks out to tease Yuri's top lip.

Yuri moans into the kiss, hips bucking against JJ's of their own accord. He has no idea what he's doing but the friction between their jeans feels so good against his half hard cock that he chases it. One of his hands leaves JJ's hair to slip down his back. He grabs the hem of JJ's t-shirt and begins to pull it up in a desperate attempt to get down to skin.

JJ pulls back from the kiss, grinning down at him and a chuckle rumbles through his chest. "Eager are we kitten?"

"Wanna see how hot you are without a shirt on," Yuri says into his neck as he presses kisses to every bit of skin he can reach.

"Then I won't disappoint," JJ says. He pulls back, sitting on his heels, before stripping his t-shirt off completely.

Yuri can feel his eyes bulge as he takes in the slight of JJ's naked torso. His body is nothing short of god like and Yuri can't help but reach out with tentative fingers to begin tracing every curve and contour of it. He looks up into JJ's face; his bottom lip caught between his teeth and his eyes closed as Yuri's fingers tease one of his nipples.

"Holy shit," Yuri whispers under his breath as he takes in just how stunning JJ looks.

"Careful kitten," JJ chuckles weakly, "if you carry on like this I really won't be able to hold back."

There is a seconds pause before JJ grabs Yuri's wrists, pushing him back down onto the mattress, arms caging his head. Yuri's heart is pounding in his chest as he looks at the hungry look in JJ's eyes, like he about to devour him. He loves the way JJ makes him feel. He hasn't felt this good since he lost his memory. JJ is like a force of nature, one that Yuri will happily let himself be swept away by.

The distance between them closes and JJ's lips are on Yuri's again, his tongue slipping passed Yuri's parted lips to tease his. Yuri moans into his mouth, gorgeous little whimpers that go straight to JJ's cock. He pulls back to gaze down at the debauched vision bellow him. Yuri's cheeks are flushed, his lips kiss swollen and slick, eyes hazy with blown pupils. He is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things JJ has ever seen and his heart feels as if it might burst.

"You're so beautiful," JJ whispers.

"JJ..."

"Have you ever done anything like this before?" JJ asks more out of curiosity than anything else. He needs to know just how far he can take this without making Yuri feel uncomfortable.

A blush that has nothing to do with their amorous activities colour Yuri's cheeks. "I have no idea," he admits, unable to meet JJ's eye. "That's really bad isn't it."

A finger is places under Yuri's chin, tilting it up so that he has to look into JJ's eyes. JJ leans in and presses the softest, most tender kiss Yuri has ever experienced to his lips. Yuri moans against JJ's lips as he clings to his hair. JJ pulls back to gaze into Yuri's eyes, smiling at him.

"Hey," he says softly, "that's okay."

"Really?" Yuri asks.

"Yeah," JJ assures him, smiling. "We can call this one a freebie, I'll take it slowly if you want me to."

A smirk slips onto Yuri's lips. He pulls back from JJ as much as he can with him straddling his hips and reaches down to the hem of his t-shirt. Without breaking eye contact he pulls his t-shirt over his head before tossing it over the side of the bed. He leans back in again so his lips are only a hair's breadth from JJ's.

"I want you," his whispers hotly.

That's all the encouragement JJ needs. He closes the distance between the two of them, pressing his lips to Yuri's and sinking his fingers into soft golden hair. Tongues enter the fray swiftly and Yuri moans into JJ's mouth as he wraps his arms around JJ's neck, pushing himself right against JJ's chest. The skin on skin contact is amazing and he can just feel himself getting harder. He needs JJ to do something and he needs it fast.

JJ pushes Yuri back down onto the mattress, his lips trailing down his neck as he does. Yuri's breath quickens as his head hits the pillows, his hands finding purchase on the sheets beneath him as JJ's lips find one of his nipples. Teeth scrape over it, teasing it into a hardened peak and making Yuri sink his teeth into his bottom lip to stop himself from moaning too loudly.

Clearly it's obvious that he's trying to hold it in as JJ pulls back, making sure to flip his tongue over the nipple he's been lavishing attention on and smirks at him.

"You okay kitten?"

Yuri groans in response, nodding. He's really not though. He's not okay especially as one of JJ's hands begin to rub his cock through his jeans. He's so close to losing it and he wants, he _desperately_ wants JJ to get him out of his trousers.

"You can let it out you know," JJ tells him. "I want to hear every gorgeous little moan and whimper." JJ leans down to lick a strip along the waistband of Yuri's jeans.

"Oh god JJ!" Yuri cries, hands gripping the sheets even harder and thrusting his hips up. JJ's breath on his skin sets a fire in his blood that only JJ's mouth will be able to quench.

"What do you need kitten?" JJ asks his fingers teasing the button of his jeans, circling it and pulling it.

"I..." Yuri groans. "I need you."

The look in JJ's eyes is nothing short of predatory as he smirks up at Yuri from between his legs. "Then I won't disappoint you," he purrs. "Just tell me if you want me to stop and I will."

A surge of confidence spikes through Yuri. He knows what he's feeling for JJ and he knows that he's aloud to feel this way. He pushes himself up and leans forward to tilt JJ's face up. "I'm not made of glass," he says. "You don't need to be gentle with me."

"You sure?"

"If I want to stop I'll tell you but I can assure you that I don't want to stop."

"Okay," JJ grins. He leans up to press a kiss to Yuri's lips as his fingers pop open the button on Yuri's jeans. He pulls back and leans down to take the zip in his teeth and drag it down, smirking as he does.

Yuri's breath catches in his throat. He can feel the heat of JJ's breath through his boxers and his cock is so hard he wants more than anything for JJ to do something. Allowing himself to flop back down onto the mattress he lifts his hips up, giving JJ room to hook his fingers into both his jeans and boxers and pull them down.

Yuri barely notices as they hit the floor, all he can think about is the way JJ's eyes burn into him. A small part of him wants to curl in on himself and hide, he's not aware of anyone ever looking at him like that before. There's a need in JJ's eyes that goes right through to his soul.

A hand reaches up to cup his cheek. "You're so beautiful kitten," he whispers, his voice filled with awe.

"So are you," Yuri mumbles, lips caught between his teeth as he looks away. Fighting the onslaught of nerves Yuri reaches down to give the waistband of JJ's jeans a light tug. "These need to come off."

"As you wish," JJ says with a slick grin. He pecks Yuri's lips before getting off the bed. "You wanna see the king in all his glory?"

"I do," Yuri almost purrs.

"Then I'll make sure to put on a show for you," JJ says with a wink as he pops open the button.

Yuri's eyes are glued to JJ's hands as he slowly pulls down the zip. His breath catches in his throat again as JJ slowly shimmies out of both his jeans and his boxers. The sight of JJ naked is enough to stop Yuri's heart and it begins to pound in his chest. JJ is absolutely stunning and the sight of his engorged, rock hard cock makes butterflies flutter to life in his stomach.

"You like what you see kitten?" JJ asks and all Yuri can do is nod, dumbfounded. JJ chuckles. "Enjoying yourself?"

Yuri nods again.

"Want to continue?"

"Y... yeah," Yuri croaks, finally finding his voice.

"Good." JJ leans over to press a kiss to Yuri's forehead before going to his bag. "I hope you don't think that I was being presumptuous but I got a few things in case this happened." He turns and Yuri's eyes are instantly glued to his hands again. He's holding lube and a condom and the weight of what they are about to do settles in Yuri's stomach.

He swallows and shakes his head. "No, not at all," he says, although his voice sounds hoarse.

"Good."

JJ comes back to the bed and drops the lube and condom next to Yuri's hip. Warm hands find Yuri's knees and run up his thighs, leaving fire in their wake. His breath stills as he watches JJ's hands inch higher. He loves the feeling of JJ's hands on him and it gets even better as he leans down to press his lips to Yuri's skin. Kisses trail higher, making Yuri groan and clutch at the pillow beneath his head.

Hot breath caresses the skin of his cock as JJ's fingers tease the bottom of his backside. Yuri moans as JJ's tongue snakes out and licks his cock from base to tip.

"Oh fuck JJ!"

"You okay kitten?" JJ asks with a smirk.

"Please keeps going!" Yuri cries.

His eyes are screwed shut, making him even more aware to the sensation of JJ's mouth and hands. He can hear the sound of the lubricant being opened and squirted onto fingers. Anticipation fills him as he feels a slick fingertip trailing higher and higher and he knows what's going to be coming next.

"You ready for this kitten?" JJ asks.

"Y... yeah." His voice stutters from the pleasure of it all but his tone is firm. It's clear that he wants it.

"Then relax for me beautiful."

Yuri lets out a long breath forcing himself to relax as JJ's finger slowly slips inside him. He can feel himself tightening around JJ but it feels so good, especially as JJ begins to slowly thrust it in and out.

"Oh god JJ!" he cries. "JJ more!"

"You ready for more?" JJ asks and Yuri doesn't have to open his eyes to know that he's smirking.

"Oh fuck yes! Please I need it."

A second finger joins the first and then a third, spurned on by Yuri's moans. It feels so good and he can feel himself getting closer and closer with every thrust of JJ's fingers. The coil in his gut is tightening by the second, his fingers clutching the sheets beneath him and he tries to thrust his hips up as JJ takes his cock in his mouth. He knows he won't last much longer if this keeps up so he manages to prise his fingers from the sheets and winds them into JJ's hair, giving it a gentle tug and pulling him off his cock.

"JJ... ah JJ please," Yuri cries. "I ready, please I need you!"

"You ready for me?" JJ asks, echoing Yuri's words back at him. Yuri knows he's doing it on purpose, just to get him to say it out loud but he doesn't care.

"Yes, please fucking take me!"

Apparently when begged like that JJ doesn't need to be asked twice. He slips his fingers out of Yuri and Yuri really has to bite down on a whine of protest. He knows it's about to get better as JJ quickly covers his cock first in latex and then lube before positioning himself between Yuri's spread legs.

Yuri expects him to ask if he's ready again but he doesn't. Clearly his desperation is too evident as JJ presses his lips to Yuri's as he sinks to the hilt inside him. Both of them are moaning into each other's mouth at the sensations. JJ's a lot bigger than his fingers and it takes him a while to adjust. He can feel his fingers digging into JJ's shoulder as JJ begins to pound into him, setting a slow pace that gets faster and faster. Pressing his lips to ever part of skin he can he tries to keep up with every single thrust of JJ's.

Then JJ takes him completely by surprise. He holds himself up on one hand and reaches down to pump Yuri's cock in time with his thrusts, making Yuri scream.

"Ah JJ!" he cries in JJ's ear. "Fuck! Fuck JJ I'm so close!"

"Then cum for me kitten," JJ hisses. "Wanna feel you tightening around me. You feel so hot and so good!"

It doesn't take much longer for Yuri to reach his peak and, with a stilted cry of JJ's name, he cums. JJ continues to thrust into Yuri's tight heat, each thrust making his over sensitive body tremble. Finally JJ stills inside him.

"Fuck Yuri, I love you," he breathes, hot and heavy in Yuri's ear as he cums.

It takes a moment for that to sink in but when it does Yuri pulls back and stares at JJ, eyes wide. "What?"

JJ flushes, realising what he's said. "I um..." He clears his throat. "I love you."

Yuri's heart all but stops. He feels tears at his eyes and a smile spreads over his face. "I love you too," he whispers before pulling JJ down into a kiss.


	9. Things My Heart Used To Know

**Hello everyone, hope you're ready for more of Otabek being a useless lettuce :D enjoy**

Having JJ tell him he loves him constantly has a smile on Yuri's face. It takes some people a bit of getting used to as for so long they were so accustomed to the perpetual scowl etched over Yuri's features. Now he smiles, greets people cheerfully first thing in the morning and generally seems much brighter. It's comforting to most of them. Mila is ecstatic and both Yuuri and Viktor are just glad that Yuri is doing well after everything he's been through. In fact the only person who seems to be having difficulty with how happy JJ is making Yuri is Otabek (and he knows it's of his own volition so he only has himself to blame).

It still kills him each and every time he sees the two of them together and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it. He sees how happy JJ is making Yuri and how happy JJ is being with Yuri so far be it from him to do anything to break up their happiness. _I can't do that to Yuri... or to JJ._ It's much too selfish a path for him to take so he locks away his heart.

Keeping his distance from Yuri is becoming second nature to him. For the most part he doesn't think anyone has really noticed – he's not exactly a social butterfly – but he knows that eventually it is going to bite him in the ass.

He's packing his things away at the end of a long day's practice, under the assumption that he's alone. He lets out a long shuddering breath, hoists his bag onto his shoulder and turns to go, running straight into Yuri.

"Hi Otya," Yuri smiles.

Otabek blinks. "Um hi..."

"You got a sec?"

"Um.. no sorry," Otabek lies. "I've gotta go."

Yuri sighs. "I figured you'd say that."

"I'll see you tomorrow," Otabek says and goes to leave. He can't take the hurt in Yuri's eyes but he knows that he can't be around him either. Before he can get very far a hand shoots out to grab his wrist, making him turn back to Yuri.

"Come on Otya, talk to me," Yuri begs.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Why are you avoiding me?" Yuri asks.

"I'm not," Otabek lies.

"Bullshit!" Yuri fires back. "You were there at the hospital after I had my accident and you said we were friends but everything you've done since then kinda suggests that you don't actually like me so I'm confused."

"I'm not avoiding you," Otabek says again but it sounds like an incredibly lame excuse to the both of them.

"Please don't lie to me," Yuri says. "I'm tired of it. I know there's something going on with you so why won't you just tell me? You think I can't take it?"

"No that's not it at all," Otabek says.

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing.

"For fuck's sake!" Yuri groans and it kills Otabek to see the beginnings of tears in his eyes. "Just tell me!"

 _Now's your chance_ , a voice in the back of his mind says, _now's your chance to tell him the truth..._

"I just have a lot on my mind at the moment."

Yuri glares at him for a second and for a moment it's like Otabek is looking at the old Yuri Plisetsky once more. He sighs, shakes his head and begins to leave. "If you don't wanna tell me then fine but I'm done trying to figure out what the hell is going on with you."

"Yura..."

"You know where I am if you change your mind," Yuri says heading out the door.

Otabek can feel his last chance to make things right slipping through his fingers. He's losing Yuri all over again and he only has one way that he can think of to make things right.

"I love you!" he blurts out before Yuri walks out the door and leaves him.

Yuri turns to face him, eyes wide with shock. "W... what did you say?" he asks when his voice finally comes back to him.

"I said I'm in love with you," Otabek says a little slower, looking directly into Yuri's eyes so he knows that he's finally telling the truth.

"But..." Yuri is too stunned to say anything. _This changes everything..._ "But I thought we were friends."

"We are."

"So when you say you love me you mean..." Yuri tails off before he can say 'the same way JJ does'. This is too much of a spanner for Otabek to be throwing into the works at this stage. It's too confusing.

"I mean I'm in love with you," Otabek says, "as more than a friend."

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" Yuri asks after a pause. This seems incredibly unfair. Before he met JJ he would have given anything for Otabek to tell him that he loved him – anything for him to not push him away!

"I don't know!" Otabek growls, his own frustration evident in his voice.

Silence falls between the two of them and they just stare at each other, a silent face off that neither of them is going to win. Yuri's heart is hammering in his chest and he keeps thinking he should say something but no words are coming to mind. Everything has suddenly shifted and he doesn't really know what he's supposed to do about it.

"Otya..." he begins. He doesn't know what he's going to say but he doesn't really get the chance to find out.

Otabek brushes past him. "See you later," he mumbles as he goes, leaving Yuri standing alone in the changing rooms trying to digest this new information.

It takes him a good few minutes for him to come back to himself. Otabek is in love with him and has told him as such. Yuri has no idea what to make of this or what he's supposed to do now but he knows something who will know exactly what to do. He pulls out his phone and dials Yuuri's number, praying that he's not busy. Thankfully he picks up after a few rings.

"Yura?" he asks. "Is everything okay?"

"Y... yeah," Yuri stammers although he's not sure if that's the correct answer to that question. "Can I come over, I really need to talk to you about something?"

"Yeah of course," Yuri says, "whenever you like."

"I'll be there in about ten minutes then," Yuri says and hangs up the phone. _Please know what to do... please know..._


	10. Things It Yearns To Remember

**Hey guys here's the next chapter and things are all getting a bit much for Yuri, poor lamb. Hope you enjoy :)**

Yuri is jittery the entire walk to Yuuri and Viktor's place, so much so that he even forgets where he's going. He has to stop for a second, take a few deep breaths, stock of where he is and remind himself where they actually live. Eventually he gets to their front door and knocks. His head is still spinning and he has no idea just how he's supposed to be reacting to all of this new information. Freaking out springs to mind but that doesn't feel in any way constructive so he tries to remain calm.

The door opens and Yuuri smiles at him kindly. "You alright Yura?"

"I don't know," Yuri finally admits after thinking this through for a moment.

"Do you want some tea?" Yuuri asks.

"Will it help?" Yuri counters as he enters and Yuuri shuts the door behind him.

"Possibly," Yuuri says.

"Can there be alcohol in it?" Yuri asks as he follows Yuuri into the kitchen.

Yuuri chuckles. "No."

Yuri sighs. "Worth a try."

"So what's on your mind Yura?" Yuuri asks. "You sounded quite agitated on the phone.

"Otabek told me he loves me," Yuri says after a pause.

"Pardon?"

"When we were at the rink," Yuri tells him. "We were in the changing rooms and I asked him why he's been avoiding me so much. We started arguing and he told me that he's in love with me."

"Okay..." Yuuri says after a pause. "Did he say anything else?"

"No," Yuri replies. "He just said it and then left and I have no idea what to do about it."

"Did you talk to him about it?" Yuuri asks trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

"I tried to," Yuri says, shrugging. "He just sort of said it and then ran off."

"Of course he did," Yuuri sighs.

"I tried calling him but he isn't picking up my phone calls," Yuri says. "I sent him a text, direct messages, everything to get him to try and talk to me but he's just not answering."

"Right," Yuuri says. "So let's ignore him for a moment, how do _you_ feel about this?"

"Confused," Yuri admits.

"Good start."

"It's like why is he doing this now?" Yuri asks. "I mean if he's been in love with me for a while then he should have said something sooner, you know?"

"He should have done yes," Yuuri says. "Did he say how long he's been in love with you?"

"No and I don't get it, I mean because if it's been since before I lost my memory then his reaction at the hospital would make a bit more sense."

For the first time since he had lost his memories Yuri wishes that he could remember things from before his accident. It would make things a hell of a lot easier if he could just remember what he and Otabek had been like before then he might actually be able to make sense of it all. Why, if Otabek was in love with him before, hadn't he said anything until now? Yuri can feel a lump in his throat. It's all too much all at once, he can't figure it out and it's not like Otabek stuck around to talk to him about it.

"I mean I'm happy with JJ," Yuri sniffs, trying to hold it together. "I'm happy and Otabek's suddenly throwing everything up in the air with this."

"Do you feel the same way about him?" Yuuri asks.

"No!" Yuri cries. "I mean I thought I did but then he was so distant and I didn't know if he even liked me at all or not so I gave up. Then I met JJ and I..."

"Hey, it's okay," Yuuri says, pulling him into a hug. "It's okay you don't have to know what's going on right now," he tells him. "If you want to follow this through with Otabek then talk to him when you can. If not then just try to forget about it."

"That's the best advice you have?" Yuri asks incredulously. "Follow through or just forget it."

"Otabek told you how he feels for a reason," Yuuri says.

"Because I kept pestering him," Yuri mumbles.

"But he _did_ tell you eventually," Yuuri says. "He did tell you and now he seems to have left the decision up to you."

"Yeah that bastard."

Yuuri laughs softly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"So what do you want to do?" Yuuri asks after a moment's pause.

Yuri opens his mouth to answer but his phone ringing in his pocket cuts him off. He pulls it out and sees JJ's name lighting up the screen. He looks up at Yuuri, almost as if looking for confirmation if he should answer it or not.

"It's up to you," Yuuri says.

Yuri looks back to his phone and shakes his head. He loves JJ and Otabek suddenly confessing his love isn't going to change that. It's too late. He presses the answer button and holds the phone to his ear. "Hey."

"Hey kitten, you coming over tonight?" JJ asks. "Waiting for you in bed."

Yuri's face heats up and he prays that Yuuri can't hear what's being said on the other end of the line. "I'll be ten minutes, tops," he says hurriedly.

"Good," JJ purrs and Yuri can practically see the gleam in his eye. "I'll see you soon."

"See you," Yuri says and hangs up. "I gotta go," he tells Yuuri, hoping that his cheeks aren't as pink as they feel.

"Good luck with whatever you decide to do about Otabek," Yuuri says. "You know Viktor and I will be here if you need to talk to anyone."

"Thanks," Yuri smiles before grabbing his shoes from by the front door and disappearing outside.

As soon as he's gone Yuuri pulls his own phone out of his pocket and tries dialling Otabek's number. After a good number of rings with no answer it goes straight through to voicemail. He sighs, shaking his head as he pockets his phone.

A warm pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind. "Are you alright love?" Viktor asks.

"Yeah," Yuuri sighs. "Just trying to get hold of Otabek's and find out what's going on between him and Yura."

Viktor presses a kiss to his cheek. "You're worrying too much love," he says. "They'll work it all out eventually."

"You think so?"

"Trust me," Viktor says giving him a squeeze, "everything will work out in the end."


	11. Someone Holds Me Safe And Warm

**Sup everyone, getting near the end of the story now and this chapter is all about how JJ is the best boy who deserve way more than all the shit he gets. Hope you enjoy :D**

As soon as JJ opens the door Yuri throws himself on him, kissing him furiously and wrapping his arms around his neck. Not that JJ complains in the slightest (for one thing his lips are otherwise occupied by Yuri's) but he's not used to Yuri being this forceful and needy. He takes full advantage of it though – he hands find purchase on Yuri's backside, picking him up. Yuri instinctively wraps his legs around JJ's waist, pressing their bodies tightly together, and allows himself to be carried over to the bed.

They hit the mattress with a soft _whumph_ , JJ catching himself on his hands so that he doesn't crush Yuri's tiny frame beneath him. Lips are on each other's again and one of JJ's hands sneaks under the hem of Yuri's t-shirt. He's enjoying the feeling of JJ's fingers on his skin but then Otabek's face drifts into his mind. A jolt runs through him and he pulls back from JJ's lips, shocked and stunned, breathing heavily.

"You okay kitten?" JJ asks, worry etched all over his face.

"Yeah," Yuri replies. He shakes his head and smiles at JJ. "I'm fine, keep going."

He pulls JJ down into another kiss, sighing contentedly into those amazing lips as JJ's fingers inch higher It feels so good as JJ's fingers brush over his nipples. He loves the feel of JJ's undercut against his palm as he winds his fingers through his hair. Another undercut springs to mind and Yuri's jolting away from JJ's lips again. _What the fuck is happening?_

"Sorry," he says again before JJ can ask. "Thought I was going to sneeze," he lies.

"You okay now?" JJ asks with a grin.

"Yeah."

JJ's tongue slips passed Yuri's lips as they kiss again. JJ's hand starts moving again, this time downwards. JJ's touch is like fire as it slips between Yuri's thighs to palm his cock. It feels so good and he doesn't want it to end but he hears Otabek's voice in his head ' _I'm in love with you_ ' and he's jolting away from JJ's lips a third time, breathing heavily. _What's wrong with me? Why can't I stop thinking about Otabek?_ He can feel frustration bubbling up inside him and his heart breaks when he sees how worried JJ looks.

"I'm sorry," Yuri says hurriedly, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

JJ pulls back so that he's sitting on his heels. He takes Yuri's hand and pulls him up into a sitting position. Yuri can feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes and it's only made worse when JJ gently places a hand on his cheek.

"What's going on kitten?" he asks.

"Nothing," Yuri lies but he can't look JJ in the eye as he says it.

"Come on you can tell me," JJ says, smiling.

Yuri bites his lip, still unable to look away. "It's..." He can't quite get the words out. How can he tell JJ that he can't seem to stay in the moment because he can't seem to stop thinking about someone else?

JJ sighs and smiles sadly. "It's Otabek isn't it?"

"What?" Yuri blinks in surprise. How can he just know that off the bat.

"Come on," JJ says, his trademark grin on his face, "talk to me."

"Okay," Yuri mumbles. "I was at the rink earlier and I tried to talk to Otabek about why he's been avoiding me so much and he told me that he loves me."

"That's not surprising," JJ says.

"Isn't it?" Yuri asks, confused.

"Considering your history I get why he's still in love with you," JJ says.

"Our history?" Yuri asks. He has a history with Otabek? _Why didn't_ he s _ay anything about that_?

JJ looks at him, confused. "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"You and Otabek used to be a couple," JJ tells him.

"What?"

JJ takes in Yuri's confused expression and his brows furrow. "You didn't know?"

"And you did?" Yuri growls, his confusion beginning to boil into fury.

"Yeah," JJ says, already quaking under Yuri's glare, holding his hands up in defence. "I mean I sort of figured that you two just broke up after your accident and it was too painful to talk about so I never asked about it."

Yuri sighs, the anger suddenly gone. This isn't JJ's fault, this isn't hiss fault at all. "It's a fair assumption to make."

"I can't believe he didn't tell you," JJ says, shaking his head. "I mean if it was me I wouldn't have wanted to spend a second without you."

"Why would he do that?" Yuri asks himself more than JJ. "Why wouldn't he say anything before?"

"I'm sorry," JJ says softly. "I should have told you sooner."

Yuri takes his hand, guilt filling him. "No," he says, "you're not the one at fault here."

"But I should have said something way before now," JJ says placing a hand on Yuri's cheek. "It isn't exactly the best way for you to find out."

"You didn't need to tell me anything," Yuri says. "Otabek should have told me as soon as he found out that I didn't remember. It wasn't your responsibility to tell me."

"You should go talk to him," JJ says after a pause.

"Huh?"

"You should go talk to Otabek and get all of this out in the open," he says. "Tell him you're angry, find out how he feels and decide where you want to go from there."

"And what if we decide to get back together?" Yuri asks. He says without thinking. He hasn't really thought about before but now that he knows about his and Otabek's past relationship anything could happen.

JJ smiles sadly and presses a kiss to Yuri's forehead. "As long as you're happy."

"But..." Tears begin to sting Yuri's eyes, threatening to spill. This hadn't crossed his mind but of course if he and Otabek were to get back together for whatever reason then that will leave JJ out in the cold. _I can't do that to him..._

JJ kisses his forehead again. "It was enough for me that I got to be with you at all, it doesn't matter how long it was for."

"JJ... I..."

"It's okay kitten," he says. "I understand and you didn't have all the facts when we started this. If I'd have know in the first place I wouldn't have pursued anything."

Yuri leans forward to press a soft kiss to JJ's lips. "Thank you," he says softly. "I don't know how you can be this understanding but I love you for it."

"I love you too," JJ smiles. "Let me know how it goes with Otabek and then we can talk about us afterwards if you still want to."

"You're amazing," Yuri smiles.

"I've been told," JJ grins and kisses him again.


	12. Glowing Dim As An Ember

**Hey guys, have an early Christmas present in the form of some porn, finally the boys are going to talk things through... among other things ;) hope you enjoy**

It's not until a good five minutes after Yuri has left JJ's hotel room that he realises the he doesn't actually know where the hell Otabek has been living all this time. He knows he could spend all night trying to find out where _he_ is, never mind where Otabek is so in the end he settles for calling Yuuri to ask for Otabek's address before he gets himself even more lost. He also covers why Yuuri never said anything about his and Otabek's relationship. ' _It was his decision not to tell you and it was his decision to tell you, I just wanted you to be happy_ ' is his answer and Yuri isn't totally sure he's happy with it but he's satisfied for now.

The wandering round hasn't helped much for his irritation either. In fact it gives him time to think and he's already pissed off as it is. _Why would he tell me that we're friends and not the truth? Why would he lie to me all this time? Was it all just one big lie to him in the first place?_ Yuri ends up thinking himself round in circles until he's so angry he wants to punch something. He's angry at Otabek, for obvious reasons, he's angry at everyone else for going along with it and keeping it from him and he's angry about the fact that he lost his memories in the first place.

When he finally reaches Otabek's he's absolutely furious and he pounds on the door continuously until it opens. Otabek looks surprised when he sees Yuri and that surprise only seems to deepen as he takes in the rage radiating from Yuri.

"Yura?"

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Otabek stares at him for a second. "Do you want to come inside?" he asks.

Yuri glares at him for a moment. "Fine," he eventually spits and knocks into Otabek on his way in.

Otabek closes the door. "So... er... what did you want to talk about?" he asks, trying not to flounder under the heat of Yuri's rage.

"Pretty sure you should already know," Yuri growls.

"Honestly," Otabek says with a sigh, "this could be any number of things so let's speed up the process and you just tell me why you're angry."

"I know about us?" Yuri snaps.

Otabek blinks at him. "What?"

"I know that you and I were in a relationship before I lost my memory!"

Silence falls between them and all Otabek can do for a moment is stare at Yuri in shock. A thousand and one questions spring to mind all at once but Otabek can't seem to get his voice or his brain to work.

"H... how?" he finally asks.

"JJ told me," Yuri replies.

"Why?"

"Does it matter?" Yuri asks.

"I guess not..."

"What I want to know is why didn't _you_ tell me in the first place?" Yuri asks. "Why did you lie to me?"

"It's complicated," Otabek replies.

"For fuck's sake, no it isn't!" Yuri shouts. "You lied to me and you got everyone else to go along with it."

"I'm sorry," Otabek says. "I have no excuse for this."

"So what was it?" Yuri asks. "You wanted to end things and this was the perfect excuse? Me losing my fucking memory is a pretty good excuse to break up, don't you think?"

"It's not like that!" Otabek snaps, his own anger beginning to seep through. Yuri isn't letting him have the chance to explain himself and, even though he knows he has no right to be, he can feel himself getting more and more pissed off.

"Then tell me because all I can figure out is you didn't know how to end it with me so took the easiest option that came up in the hope that I'd never find out."

"I said it's not like that!" Otabek cries. "I didn't think when I said we were friends at the hospital."

"Clearly," Yuri snorts derisively.

"I didn't tell you that we were a couple because I was being a coward and an idiot," Otabek says.

"I'm not arguing with you on that one," Yuri grumbles.

"Will you just hear me out?" Otabek snaps.

"Fine," Yuri mutters petulantly, folding his arms.

"The reason I didn't tell you that we were a couple is because I didn't want you to feel like you were being pressured into being with me,," Otabek says. "I wanted you to fall in love with me for me and not because you felt that you had to because of something you didn't remember."

"Then why did you push me away all the time?" Yuri cries.

"I don't know!" Otabek shouts, ringing his hands in frustration. "I don't know, I just couldn't stop myself from doing it once I'd started."

"Because I was happy with JJ!" Yuri shouts through the anger and the tears threatening to start bubbling.

"I know!"

"I was so happy with him and now I'm..." Yuri tails off, not sure how to put every feeling of rage and pain into the end of that thought. Nothing that springs immediately to mind seems to convey it well enough.

"You're what?" Otabek presses.

"I don't know!" Yuri growls. "I'm hurt, confused and so fucking angry that I can't even think!"

It breaks Otabek's heart to see Yuri in this much pain and knowing that he's been the cause of it. "I'm sorry," he says.

"You fucking should be!" Yuri shouts.

"I know but will you let me at least try and make it up to you?" Otabek asks.

"I don't see how you can," Yuri says. "You've lied to me to the point that I don't know if I can trust you again, you've been pushing me away so much I'm not even sure that you like me, you've fucked up my relationship with someone that I really care about..."

"Wait what?" Otabek asks.

"What do you mean what?" Yuri snaps.

"You said I fucked up your relationship," Otabek says. "What exactly did you mean by that?"

"You want me to say it?" Yuri asks. "Fucking fine! JJ and I split up."

"What?"

"Yeah heard me."

"So I'm in with a chance then?" Otabek asks before he can stop himself and as soon as the words are out of his mouth he regrets them. It's the worst possible thing he could have said and it's like throwing oil on an open flame.

"That's what you took from that?!" Yuri screeches.

"I'm sorry," Otabek says hurriedly, putting his hands up in defence. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Do you ever think?" Yuri asks.

"You can't blame your break up with JJ on me," Otabek says, ignoring him. "It was your decision to break up with JJ not mine."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Yuri asks. "All of this is because you didn't tell me about us in the first place!"

"Don't you think I've been punishing myself for that for long enough?" Otabek asks. "Seeing you with him was like torture."

"And you deserved it."

"Why did you break up with him then?" Otabek asks.

"What?"

"If you were so happy with him then why did you break up with him as soon as you found out that we used to be together?" Otabek asks and Yuri doesn't have an answer for that which makes him even angrier.

"You know what, I don't even want to look at you right now," he snaps. He storms past Otabek to leave but a hand grabs his wrist.

Otabek isn't thinking. He just reacts on instinct, not wanting to lose Yuri again. Before Yuri can say or do anything Otabek pulls him into a kiss, sinking the fingers of one hand into Yuri's hair to pull him close.

Yuri is too stunned to do anything at first as Otabek's lips press against his. His entire body seems to go limp for a second before it alights with sensations. This feels even more familiar than when JJ had kissed him and he very quickly realises that it's because when JJ kissed him it was for the first time. When Otabek kisses him it's clear they've done it before because Otabek knows exactly what to do to make him weak.

He feels himself beginning to react but he snaps back to himself. He pushes Otabek away, breath coming out in pants as he stares up at him with wide eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demands.

"Taking a chance," Otabek pants.

"I... I came here to yell at you," Yuri tries to protest although he can already feel his body beginning to react to Otabek's touch, as if acting on its own.

"You came here for another reason," Otabek says, his voice deep, husky and sending a shiver down Yuri's spine.

"I..." Yuri can't get his brain to work. He can feel Otabek's fingers massaging the base of his skull and it feels so good. Otabek knows exactly what to do to make Yuri want him. "This... this is unfair."

"What is?" Otabek asks.

"You know what makes me crazy," Yuri gasps, his fingers twitching to touch and his anger melting away into arousal. "You know how to make me forget that I'm really fucking pissed at you."

"Do you want me to stop and you can keep yelling at me?" Otabek asks.

A growl leaves Yuri's throat. He grabs Otabek's collar and pulls him into a fierce kiss that leaves Otabek breathless. "Don't you fucking dare; you started this, now finish it."

"Yes sir," Otabek says before leaning down to kiss Yuri's lips once more.

Yuri's grip on Otabek's shirt tightens and he groans into the kiss as Otabek backs him up against the nearest wall. His cock is hard and straining against his jeans making him rut against Otabek. The hand not in his hair slips down to the hem of his shirt and begins to pull it up. It's awkward with only one hand but Otabek doesn't seem to want to let go of Yuri's hair. Finally he does and pulls away from Yuri's lips so that he can pull the t-shirt off.

"I'm still fucking mad at you," Yuri growls.

"I know," Otabek says. "I'll make it up to you."

"You fucking better."

"This isn't me making it up to you," Otabek clarifies as he leans down to kiss along Yuri's neck.

"It's a fucking good start," Yuri moans.

Otabek's lips leave a trail of fire in their wake and it feels so good that Yuri can't help himself. Every fibre of his being needs Otabek like he needs to breathe and his fingers cling to Otabek's shoulders, fisting his shirt. Breath coming out in pants he realises that he desperately needs to feel Otabek pounding him into something, the force of his feelings is much too strong for him to fight anymore.

"Oh fuck! Otabek!" he moans.

Otabek chuckles against his neck. "And here I was just getting used to Otya."

"Oh shut up and fuck me," Yuri growls.

"Don't worry, I intend to."

Taking as much control as he can Yuri pushes himself off the wall and reaches out to Otabek's shirt. He pulls it up, exposing Otabek's chest. A blush fans across his face. Otabek has a nice body and Yuri can already feel himself getting distracted by it, not that he wasn't already distracted from what he had originally come to do.

Otabek hooks his fingers into Yuri's belt loops and tugs, pulling him through to his bedroom. Once there he opens Yuri's belt and jeans, desperate to get down to skin. With his belt and jeans open Otabek kisses down Yuri's chest until he reaches his proudly jutting hips. He hooks his fingers inside both Yuri's jeans and his boxers and pulls them both down and off.

With Yuri completely naked before him Otabek gives him a tiny shove so that he falls down onto the mattress. Yuri's eyes are suddenly glued to Otabek's hands as he undoes his own belt and jeans. Lip caught between his teeth Yuri reaches out to pull the last of Otabek's clothes down and off. His breath catches in his throat when his eyes fall on Otabek's cock. _Holy shit, he's fucking huge!_

"You alright?" Otabek asks, his amusement evident in his voice.

"Y... yeah," Yuri stutters, his own voice more breath than word, getting lost somewhere in his throat along the way.

Otabek chuckles and, threading his fingers through Yuri's hair, leans down to kiss him again. "I love you."

Yuri's heart still in his chest. He feels as if it might burst with the emotion. He opens his mouth to say it back but Otabek's lips are on his again, effectively silencing him. Yuri moans softly into the kiss, repositioning himself on the bed as Otabek crawls on top of him. When Yuri's head finds pillows Otabek pulls away to begin searching for something in one of his draws. He comes back with lubricant and a condom and Yuri instinctively spreads his legs open a little wider than before.

Otabek's gaze burns into Yuri as he opens the lubricant and squirts some onto his fingers. "Looking good down there," he says, smirking.

"You going to talk all night?" Yuri asks, a smirk of his own playing about his lips. "Or you going to make things up to me?"

"No," Otabek assures him.

Without another word Otabek engulfs Yuri's cock with his mouth and slips the first finger inside him at the same time. Yuri cries out and grips the sheet beneath him. Unlike JJ who was discovering it on his own Otabek knows, he fucking knows, what it takes to make Yuri weak. He takes him right to the back of his throat, swallowing around him and making Yuri cry out, arching off the bed.

"Otya! Oh fuck Otya!"

Otabek responds by swiftly adding a second, third, fourth finger into him, thrusting them deeper and deeper each time. He makes sure to hit Yuri's prostate each and every single time and it has Yuri screaming, holding the pillow to his face as he tries to stifle the noise. Otabek glances up at him and he can't help but smile to himself – that's a sight he hasn't seen for a while and it's absolutely perfect.

He pulls off Yuri's cock with a wet pop and grins up at him. "Doing okay up there?"

"Shut up and fuck me already!" Yuri screams and, thankfully, Otabek isn't in the mood to tease anymore.

Before Yuri can even blink Otabek has the condom on, has covered himself in lube and is sinking right to the hilt inside him. He presses his lips to Yuri's catching every moan and whimper that escapes his throat as Yuri clings to him. It feels so good and so familiar that Yuri's body is begging for more almost instantly and Otabek is all too happy to give it to him.

Each thrust is fast, hard and hitting Yuri's prostate dead on. One of Yuri's hands grips Otabek's hair while the other reaches down to pump his own cock. Otabek's got him close and he can't stop himself from striving for that final push over the edge.

"Otya I'm gonna cum," Yuri cries.

"Cum for me Yura," Otabek all but growls.

As if on command Yuri does, tightening around him and pulling Otabek over the edge with him. He can feel Otabek pulsing inside him as they ride out their passion together. He feels closer to Otabek than he has since the accident and it feels as if his heart may overflow or burst with the rush of emotions inside him.

"I love you," Otabek whispers into his hair. "I love you so much and want to try again, harder this time, if you'll have me."

"If we're going to do this, and I do want to, then we need to be honest with each other, Yuri tells him. "No more secrets like this, just tell me okay?"

Otabek presses a kiss to Yuri's lips. "Okay."


	13. Epilogue

**Merry Christmas everyone, thank you so much for the reads and reviews, hope you have a lovely day and enjoy this sickly sweet ending 3**

Before his accident Yuri would have paid a lot more attention to the passing of time and actually notice how fast a year went by. Now though, a year passes and he barely has time to blink. Then again it's a year learning all about Otabek and Otabek actually letting him in. It takes a while before things slot into place; there is a lot of trust that Otabek has to rebuild and it takes Yuri a while to open up to him again but this time Otabek is persistent and doesn't cut and run.

This time he doesn't push Yuri away when he tries to talk to him. In fact he is the one who has to do most of the pursuing as he promises Yuri that he will. It seems a little odd to Yuri that Otabek wants to act as if they're starting from square one again when they've already slept together but he's not going to question it. Especially not when Otabek is going to bring him coffee to practice, make him breakfast in bed and just spoil him in general.

He's packing his things after a long day of practice, looking forward to a night in at home. JJ and Isabella are coming over for dinner and Yuri wants to get started on cooking before they arrive. He's stayed friends with JJ and, when he and Isabella got back together, Yuri became friends with her too. He still hasn't regained his memories and it is unlikely that he ever will at this point but he has made his peace with that and is happy.

A pair a warm arms wrap around his waist and lips find his neck.

"Hey beautiful," Otabek whispers in his ear.

"Hey," Yuri says turning to kiss him properly. "You ready to go."

"Yeah, got one thing to do first," Otabek says.

"Will it take very long?" Yuri asks. "JJ and Bella will be at ours before we are at this rate."

"No," Otabek says grinning. "It won't."

"Okay, get on with it," Yuri teases.

Without another word Otabek pulls a small box out of his pocket and sinks to the floor on bended knee. He smiles at Yuri as he opens the box, inside is a simple gold band and Yuri's heart stops as he looks at it.

"Yuri Plisetsky," Otabek says, "I love you. I have love you from the very first moment I saw you and have never stopped loving you. When you lost your memories I thought that was the end and I know I acted like an idiot but when you said that you wanted to be with me it made me so happy. I want to make you as happy as you've made me for the rest of your life, if you'll let me. I love you so much, will you marry me?"

A smile spreads over Yuri's lips and tears well up in his eyes as he looks down into Otabek's earnest face. "Of course I will. I love you too."

Otabek gets to his feet, grinning like he's just been handed the key to eternal happiness. He takes the ring out of the box and slips it on to Yuri's finger before pulling him into a tender, loving kiss.

 _THE END_


End file.
